People lie, a lot. White lies or not, little or big - still fibbing, right? I lie. And you lie too. But what matters is the gravity of every lie. What's the truth behind the lies?
Studies say...
True lie #1: The most serious lies are told by (and to) the people we care about most
True lie #2:When it comes to little lies, though, our romantic partners see more of our true selves
True lie #3:The more attractive you are, the more people will lie to you
True lie #4:Romantic partners are worse than strangers at detecting each other’s fibs
True lie #5:When asked to ’fess up to their most serious lie, affairs are by far the most common
True lie #6:If you admit to a lie, it might not save a relationship Ever heard someone say “If only he/she had told me the truth, I could have forgiven him/her”? Not so.
True lie #7:Think liars don’t care about other people? Often, just the opposite is the case
True lie #8:“I did it for you” —that’s what people claim when they tell lies to their romantic partners
True lie #9:Even after lying to their romantic partners, liars claim that they are not bad people
I do lie. But not that grave. Faced with a situation of uttering a lie or not, I just change the topic or hush. Either way, it do me a lot of good.
As much as possible I try to avoid lying. I value relationships the same way I value honesty. Lying is lying. Fibs are fibs. And as we know, telling lies spoils trust big time.
The heart. Sheesh. Among other body parts, the heart is the most difficult to understand. So here I am trying to figure out what it says. Thanks to Tickle and my "so into personality test" mood.
Heart or head.What dominates? My personality test says I'm a Heart-Strong Idealist.
And the right man for me is the Renaissance Man. Who is he?
What turns me on? His Romantic Gesture.
And my strongest suit is Expression.
*click image to make it larger
I took those quizzes two years ago and they still hold water up to now. Pretty consistent huh.
What makes a relationship tick and tank? What makes a bond float or sink? When should you bottle up feelings? When should you put an indelible dead end? Here's an article worth pondering...
1. Spending time apart strengthens your bond.
2. Your inkling that something is wrong in the relationship is probably right. By nature of being a woman, you have a keen intuition, so you'll feel any kind of distancing on a visceral level pretty quickly.
"When a guy wants to break up, he'll often start to create space," says Oikle. In other words, he'll stop calling quite as much, it will take him a bit longer to return your texts or emails, and he'll sometimes be "too busy" to hang out. "For the record, if a guy is into you, he'll never be too busy," says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Intimacy."
3. If a man has a history of cheating on his girlfriends, he'll probably cheat on you too. Sometimes a guy cheats on his partner because there is an emotional or physical void in the relationship. But more often than not, philandering is indicative of something wrong with him. According to Jay Carter, PsyD, author of "Nasty Men,"
4. He wants to think he's taking care of you. Despite the fact that many women are outpacing men on the college level and in the workplace, "lots of guys still derive their feelings of masculinity and self-worth by being of value to the person they love," says Allen Berger, PhD, author of "Love Secrets Revealed." "And they feel most valuable when they're doing things for that person."
5. If a guy tells you that he's not ready for a relationship, take his word for it. Believe it or not, men really hate to disappoint women. So if he's "gotten up the guts to actually cross the threshold and tell you that he's not ready for a relationship, he means business," says Oikle.
6. Passion can grow as a relationship progresses. People used to think settling down meant saying goodbye to romance and passion. But research has found that young married couples are more satisfied in the romance department than their single counterparts are. Familiarity definitely has its perks.
7. You won't regret breaking up with a guy you're feeling unsure about. Nowadays, women may be impulsive about dating guys but not dumping them. "In fact, a lot of single women will try really hard to fit a square peg into a round hole because they want the relationship to work so bad," explains Magids. "It's only after a tremendous amount of thought and effort that they finally give up on it." So if you sense you're with the wrong person, don't fret so much about walking away to find a better mate.
8. You will always be the one to initiate a relationship talk. Unlike women, who are conditioned to take the pulse of a relationship from time to time, men don't contemplate the state of your union until something's wrong. And even then, they want to work it out in their mind, whereas women want to talk it out.
I have read this article about how a man decides that his girl is the right person to spend his whole life with. What made them say "I do" ?
For me the best answer was...
Stand by your man
"Three years ago, to my surprise and dismay, I was abruptly fired from my job. It couldn't have come at a worse time: I had just bought a home and was worried about paying the mortgage. When I told my girlfriend, she told me not to worry and that 'we' would get through this together. It was at that moment that I knew I would never find anyone better. She could have left, knowing it would be hard for me to get another job, but she stayed, and I knew we had what it takes to make a marriage work." -- Chris Watts, 28, Windsor, CT.
I do believe in the sanctity of marriage. But the saddening fact is - most people don't.
My friends ask me why at 26, I don't think of settling down. Well, marrying is easy. But staying in the marriage is another story. I've seen strong people fell into temptation. I've heard confessions about infidelity. I've seen lovers fall apart. I've seen remorse in their eyes. I sensed regrets. Sigh. It's so scary to know you married the wrong person.
Marriage is a sacred vow. It's a bond of two souls. You take your spouse to have and to hold from that day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part. How many couples you know stand by this vow? Only few. I suppose.
At the back of my head, questions are fleeting. Come bumpy rides, trials and pandemonium. Will he stay by my side to fight hand in hand? What if I was struck by a dreadful disease, will he take care of me? Can we remain faithful to each other? Can we make it through thick and thin?
If those questions are thrown back to me, I'd answer in the affirmative. I'll stay with him no matter what happens. Love is the reason why I'll marry. It is also the very reason why I'll stay. But what if he forgets about the vow? That spells trouble.
Honestly, I'm happy to see couples growing old together and keeping the love as they age. I hope I can do the same. But I can't do it alone. I need this one person. One true person to share everything with - the ups, the downs, and the usual.
My body clock woke me up before 7 in the morning. It’s a gloomy day. But it’s not just the day. It’s also gloomy inside of me. Why? Today is his funeral…
I knew him for years now. Before we met, I already know so much about him. Those things made me interested in meeting him in person. So we met…
The first time I saw him, I knew he’s adorable and nice (he’s Mr. Happychondria – happy all the time). There was an instant spark. Chemistry is evident. And we can’t deny it. Feeling comfortable in each other’s company, we meet again. And again. And over and over again. Until the time came when we’re separated by distance and circumstance.
Now it’s not just miles and controllable matters that separate us. It’s death. And it’s beyond my control.
“Life is short.” I read it a hundred times. I heard it more than that. But it is only now that I feel it down my core. He died at 25. He planned to do many things in the future. Those plans will remain dormant because he is no longer around to execute them.
God gave us life thus, only He can take it. Our Creator called him. He went ahead. Sad thing I was left. Now that he’s gone, I can’t help but miss the words he say, the things we do, the games we play, the places we go to, and the dreams we build. It’s over. Is it really over?
Adieu
by cOn
Who will wipe my clouds when they’re gray? Who will lead me home when I’m astray? Who will hold me tight when I need cuddling? Who will stop my tears from falling? Who will make me laugh when I’m in despair? Who will show me how to care?
I had no idea you’ll be gone. I had no idea you’ll die young. I could’ve tried making you stay. I could’ve kept your warmth as you lay.
With whom shall I share my love? With whom shall I share my life?
I’m holding back my tears. I’m fighting all the fears.
Now that I can't hold you, Now that it's futile to fight for you, There’s one thing left to say...
Chaos that is. That's what I feel today. So to lighten up a bit, I decided to twist creativity..
I love photos. I love taking pictures. I love landscapes, seascapes, still life, portraits, and more. Name it. Did I just say I love pictures?
Here are some of the psychedelic photos/posters I've created thanks to the entertaining image chef features:
Talking about love...
Amor con amor se paga. Love begets love. Though loving needs no consideration, I'll be a whited sepulchre if I say I don't want my love to be reciprocated. Hell, we all want it. And we do crazy things to make that special person love us back. Oh love! How cruel errr mysterious you are.
Let me share to you a nice jurisprudence about love...
“If the two eventually fell in love, despite the disparity of their ages and academic levels, this only lends substance to the truism that the heart has reasons for its own which reason does not know.” - Chua-Qua vs. Clave, 189 SCRA 117
“Love is useless unless it is shared with another.Indeed, no man is an island, the cruelest act of a partner in marriage is to say "I could not have cared less." This is so because an ungiven self is an unfulfilled self. The egoist has nothing but himself. In the natural order, it is sexual intimacy which brings spouses wholeness and oneness. Sexual intimacy is a gift and a participation in the mystery of creation. It is a function which enlivens the hope of procreation and ensures the continuation of family relations. x x x. Marital union is a two-way process. An expressive interest in each other's feelings at a time it is needed by the other can go a long way in deepening the marital relationship. Marriage is definitely not for children but for two consenting adults who view the relationship with love amor gignit amorem, respect, sacrifice and a continuing commitment to compromise, conscious of its value as a sublime social institution.” - Ching Ming Tsoi vs. Court of Appeals, 16 January 1997
Sometimes we are confused by life. And sometimes keeping our fingers crossed is not a good idea. There’s no easy formula.. really.
Maybe one of the most confusing of all confusions is knowing the right person for you. Indeed, having him/her beside you at the right time is no easy way.
Sometimes, you love but that person won’t love you back. Sometimes it’s the other way around. What makes it more mixed up is when you are already loved by the person you love and you’re starting to love the one who loves you. So twisted… There are also times when love is wanting…when you mistake love for something like infatuation…
Sometimes we search too far only to find out that the right person is just few steps away (can be your bestfriend, enemy, neighbor, or a friend of a friend).
Sometimes we are tricked by life. Sometimes we are tricked by ourselves...of our greed...of our fear to love...
I've read a counseling book penned by a renowned psychologist (unfortunately, I can’t recall his name at this very moment). One short story revolved around a 56-year-old man. He was divorced twice and was separated thrice. The first few years of his first marriage were ecstatic….Then came his daughter.
He felt that the child has entirely captured his wife’s affection…because of this, the marriage was on the rocks for the next years. So the man find ways to divorce his wife. He left his first wife to marry a younger one. Their relationship went on for about four years. Then, he again filed a divorce. The third marriage came too soon and ended too quickly. It took him about 8 long years to realize that he has already found the one true love he has been looking for in the person of his first wife unfortunately, he had let it slipped away. No way can he put the pieces back because his former spouse was already dead.
Sometimes holding on is the answer. Sometimes letting go…
In the movie Serendipity, the couple reunite years after the night they first met, fell in love, and separated, convinced that one day they'd end up together. They have let destiny bring them as one guided by the constellation Cassiopeia. In Notting Hill, the essence is sacrifice and giving up something…You give up fame, power for the sake of love.. It’s the act of being broken that make’s it special. The story was all about the world’s most famous movie star and a simple travel bookstore owner, who has a non-existent love life. For both, something or someone seems to be missing. And when both paths unexpectedly cross, love is the last thing on their mind. The couple comes to face the ultimate question: Can two people fall in love with the whole world watching?
The Perfect Catch is all about a schoolteacher who has been obsessed with the Boston Red Sox for 23 years. Then he fell in love with Drew, a dynamo career woman. But the 2004 baseball season shaked their relationship to the breaking point. Loving really, is also loving his/her ways…I can still remember Drew’s line: “Those things you like, I feel them too – for you!” Sports and work don’t love you back. People do.
Stepford Wives made me understand why there are imperfections. What does it take to become a Stepford wife, a woman perfect beyond belief? Ask the Stepford husbands, who've created a high-tech dreadful little town in modern milieu. They thought it’s the best idea. But were they accurate? Being perfect is downright BORING.
This world is not a product of make-believe but reality. It’s not a movie where we can have a number of cuts to perfect the scene. It’s not a film where we can delete the mediocre takes and pause when we want to linger on a scene…
We can only have flashback and flashforward in our mind. Albeit, we can all relate.
Everything is clear. Oh yeah, so clear. Very clear that it's vague.
We're supposed to talk. We're supposed to feel. But what are we doing? We're trying to make a mess out of nowhere. We're trying to find the right words. But those words are just kept in the unfathomable abyss of our mind. Useless words. They failed to serve their purpose.
C'mon, say what you wanna say and I'll deliver my piece as well. I'm sure both of us have something to say. We just don't open ourselves to opportunities. We'd rather sulk in one corner and be miserable deep inside. They don't have a clue. But we do. Sad thing, we're masochistic enough to choose pain and despair.
Okay, okay, I spoilt it the first time. But could you please blurt it out again to make me understand. I won't be nasty anymore. Promise. In fact, I did not want 'that thing' to happen. But before I knew it, everything was blown out of proportion. My bad. Sorry for that.
You know, it's hard to fake things, to tell yourself everything's okay when it's not. To tell yourself there's nothing wrong when you feel animosity. Come to think of it, we should've been happy. But we refuse to be by entertaining our pride, our bloated ego.
Could we just find a way to patch things up? Or just let silence tear us apart.
Say It
I asked what it is, You didn't say a word. C'mon, take a stand, Get a chance to speak.
How much longer will it take you to make up your mind? If you've got something to say, lemme hear it. I'll listen to your words, I'll hear your sighs.
Make yourself heard, Tell me what you think. Don't you hold back the words, Just say it.
vs. 
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