The Big Deal About Philandering

Philandering may seem ordinary to some. But mind you, philandering is a serious issue. Call me an unbending traditionalist. I don't care. But philandering is big deal for me.

Today, I've penned a termination notice for a philandering instructor. The notice reads:

A teacher serves as a role model for his students. He must not bring the teaching profession into public disrespect by having sexual relations with his student. Knowing for a fact that he is already married and is a teacher to the offended party, he should have not pursued his student to result in sexual congress. For his failure to live up to the exacting moral standards demanded by his profession, we have decided to give this second notice to formally end his employment today.

As the notice was read to him, I don't know what to feel . Is it triumph for serving justice? Is it rage for the disgrace he has given his students? Or is it pity for making him lose his only source of income? Not only did he lose his job, he might also lose his family's trust. What I know is I have to give a deep sigh to release the heavy feeling inside my chest. Justice must prevail, nonetheless. The verdict has to be served.

These past few months I'm going out with my friend who happen to have philandering bosses (in their early 40's). They're nice. They're generous. They're married. And philandering...(whew!)

"What's wrong with loving?," they asked in one of our jamming nights where we eat, go places, play billiards, and experiment on drinks.

"There's none," I replied.

So they continued: "Therefore, there's nothing wrong with loving and having relationship with lots of women," they quipped.

"Know what, there's nothing wrong with loving. It becomes wrong when we do overt acts that are wrong," I retorted. "Love is a feeling. And we can't control it. But we can control the acts that go with it. We have a strong sense of what's right and what's not so why would we go for the wrong acts? Sometimes we mistake love for infatuation or even lust."

"But we are just loving," one insisted.

"Do you think that's love?," I asked back. "You are putting the other person to shame and open to cruel whipping of the law. She might be charged with adultery. For all you know, you are making her life miserable. And you are calling it love?"

"Do you want your kids to experience that love you're talking about?," I continued. "Sure you don't because you love them. Now, that's real love. You think first of their good before you think of selfish greed. Because love is never selfish. The love that you know is selfish. It's not even love. They are oxymoron."

I added: "You think if your wife philander you would be happy to say hey, my wife is philandering. So cool, dude!"

They were silent for some time. And the moment they regained their sense of expression they said, "We wish that you'd fall for a married man."

Well, that's something to look forward to. (laughs)

In the future, if I found out that my husband is philandering, I don't know what I'm capable of doing. I think it will scare the hell out of me. It will unravel the wrath he never had a chance to know. (laughs)

It is worth reiterating that there is no dichotomy of morality.

Get it mr. chauvinist pig? lolz.

My Heart Says...

The heart. Sheesh. Among other body parts, the heart is the most difficult to understand. So here I am trying to figure out what it says. Thanks to Tickle and my "so into personality test" mood.

Heart or head.What dominates? My personality test says I'm a Heart-Strong Idealist.

And the right man for me is the Renaissance Man. Who is he?

What turns me on? His Romantic Gesture.

And my strongest suit is Expression.

*click image to make it larger

I took those quizzes two years ago and they still hold water up to now. Pretty consistent huh.

Love Truths

What makes a relationship tick and tank? What makes a bond float or sink? When should you bottle up feelings? When should you put an indelible dead end? Here's an article worth pondering...

1. Spending time apart strengthens your bond.

2. Your inkling that something is wrong in the relationship is probably right. By nature of being a woman, you have a keen intuition, so you'll feel any kind of distancing on a visceral level pretty quickly.

"When a guy wants to break up, he'll often start to create space," says Oikle. In other words, he'll stop calling quite as much, it will take him a bit longer to return your texts or emails, and he'll sometimes be "too busy" to hang out. "For the record, if a guy is into you, he'll never be too busy," says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Intimacy."

3. If a man has a history of cheating on his girlfriends, he'll probably cheat on you too. Sometimes a guy cheats on his partner because there is an emotional or physical void in the relationship. But more often than not, philandering is indicative of something wrong with him. According to Jay Carter, PsyD, author of "Nasty Men,"

4. He wants to think he's taking care of you. Despite the fact that many women are outpacing men on the college level and in the workplace, "lots of guys still derive their feelings of masculinity and self-worth by being of value to the person they love," says Allen Berger, PhD, author of "Love Secrets Revealed." "And they feel most valuable when they're doing things for that person."

5. If a guy tells you that he's not ready for a relationship, take his word for it. Believe it or not, men really hate to disappoint women. So if he's "gotten up the guts to actually cross the threshold and tell you that he's not ready for a relationship, he means business," says Oikle.

6. Passion can grow as a relationship progresses. People used to think settling down meant saying goodbye to romance and passion. But research has found that young married couples are more satisfied in the romance department than their single counterparts are. Familiarity definitely has its perks.

7. You won't regret breaking up with a guy you're feeling unsure about. Nowadays, women may be impulsive about dating guys but not dumping them. "In fact, a lot of single women will try really hard to fit a square peg into a round hole because they want the relationship to work so bad," explains Magids. "It's only after a tremendous amount of thought and effort that they finally give up on it." So if you sense you're with the wrong person, don't fret so much about walking away to find a better mate.

8. You will always be the one to initiate a relationship talk. Unlike women, who are conditioned to take the pulse of a relationship from time to time, men don't contemplate the state of your union until something's wrong. And even then, they want to work it out in their mind, whereas women want to talk it out.

I Need Your Words

Speak up. I need your words.

Everything is clear. Oh yeah, so clear. Very clear that it's vague.

We're supposed to talk. We're supposed to feel. But what are we doing? We're trying to make a mess out of nowhere. We're trying to find the right words. But those words are just kept in the unfathomable abyss of our mind. Useless words. They failed to serve their purpose.

C'mon, say what you wanna say and I'll deliver my piece as well. I'm sure both of us have something to say. We just don't open ourselves to opportunities. We'd rather sulk in one corner and be miserable deep inside. They don't have a clue. But we do. Sad thing, we're masochistic enough to choose pain and despair.

Okay, okay, I spoilt it the first time. But could you please blurt it out again to make me understand. I won't be nasty anymore. Promise. In fact, I did not want 'that thing' to happen. But before I knew it, everything was blown out of proportion. My bad. Sorry for that.

You know, it's hard to fake things, to tell yourself everything's okay when it's not. To tell yourself there's nothing wrong when you feel animosity. Come to think of it, we should've been happy. But we refuse to be by entertaining our pride, our bloated ego.

Could we just find a way to patch things up? Or just let silence tear us apart.

Say It

I asked what it is,
You didn't say a word.
C'mon, take a stand,
Get a chance to speak.

How much longer will it take you to make up your mind?
If you've got something to say, lemme hear it.
I'll listen to your words,
I'll hear your sighs.

Make yourself heard,
Tell me what you think.
Don't you hold back the words,
Just say it.


~\\-cOn-//~